Sorta Cinderella, Ouran Host Club Style!
by KawaiiBoushi
Summary: What happens when everyone's favorite hosts decide to perform their own redition of the not-quite-classic Sorta Cinderella? Knowing the Host Club, hilarity and chaos are likely to ensue!


You might be surprised to hear that for all Ouran Academy's splendor and magnificence, the dozens of libraries and music rooms (if one's name is Haruhi Fujioka, one might say too many music rooms and not enough libraries), the many classrooms, the beautiful gardens, the…well, you get the idea. Ouran Academy has many superfluities, but the one thing it is lacking is a theatre. And so, when the Host Club's self-proclaimed king decided that it was about time the Host Club put on a grand production for its guests, an alternate venue had to be found.

Perhaps to promote better relationships between the schools and their students, or maybe just to annoy his son, Ouran's chairman contacted St. Lobelia Women's Institute and requested the use of their theatre. Much to the chagrin of both the Host Club and their rival, the Zuka Club, the powers-that-be at Lobelia's agreed to rent out their theatre for the Host Club's performance.

One of the conditions the Zuka women set for calling a temporary truce was that, in the show, Haruhi was to be "clad in attire appropriate for the beautiful young maiden she is," and unsurprisingly, the hosts happily agreed to this. Really, if the Zuka Club didn't hate everything the Host Club stood for, the two could get along quite swimmingly. But I digress.

…

And so, this is how it came to pass that one evening, young ladies from both Ouran and Lobelia crowded into one of many large theatres at the latter school, the Ouran girls to see the hosts in action, the Lobelia girls to see the hosts make fools of themselves. After long moments of chatter, giggles, and much anticipation, the lights finally died down and a fanfare sounded.

Two nearly-identical voices echoed from the speaker system. "Hitachiin Productions presents…Sorta Cinderella…Ouran High School Host Club Style!"

"Sorta Cinderella?" Murmured many girls in confusion, but their whispers quickly gave way to hushing sounds as the curtain slowly rose, revealing Haruhi, standing uncomfortably in center stage, dressed in a raggedy dress. Squeals of "moe!" and "Haruhi makes such a cute girl!" arose from the Ouran girls, while the Lobelia girls shook their heads knowingly.

"Once upon a time, there was a girl named Cinderella," narrated Hikaru from somewhere unseen.

"Cinderella's greatest wish was to eat fancy tuna–" continued Kaoru.

"But alas!" They cried in unison. "Cinderella was but a poor commoner, and could not afford fancy tuna."

"Woe is me," Haruhi said flatly, her face showing no woe whatsoever.

"To add to poor Cinderella's misery, she was forced to live with her evil stepmother…" As Kaoru spoke, Kyoya walked onstage, wearing a long, pure black gown, hair extensions creating the effect of a long ponytail.

"And her…ah…_large_ stepsister," Hikaru added, and Mori walked onstage, wearing a simple blue floor-length dress and his trademark stoic expression.

"But one day," Hikaru said dramatically, "it looked as though Cinderella's luck was about to change."

"Cinderella," Kyoya addressed his "stepdaughter," "Moriko and I are attending a cosplay ball tonight. We need you to make us some costumes."

Haruhi heaved a heavy sigh and rolled her eyes. "What is it with you guys and cosplay? I can't sew! There's no way I could make a pair of gloves by tonight, much less two costumes! Why didn't you at least tell me sooner?" She ranted.

"I understand," Kyoya said lightly, whipping a calculator out of nowhere. "Let's see…40,000 yen for costumes…"

"Hey…what are you doing?" Haruhi asked suspiciously.

The shadow king (queen?) smiled evilly. "Oh, well, you don't expect me to pay for your laziness, do you?"

"Laziness? What? You're the one who–" Haruhi stopped, realizing the futility of arguing. She threw her hands up in surrender. "Oh, fine, I'll make your stupid costumes!"

Kyoya pushed his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose. "That's what I thought." And with that, he and "Moriko" walked offstage, leaving Haruhi to slump forward dejectedly, reminiscent of Tamaki in his corner of despair.

"Great. Now what?" She asked no one in particular.

"Fear not, Cinderella!" Hunny's voice suddenly called from offstage. As Haruhi's gaze followed the sound, the small boy two years her senior skipped onstage, wearing a long blond wig, dressed in a pink dress shaped like a pastry and gauzy wings, and clutching a sparkly wand topped with a small replica of Bun-Bun. "I, your fairy godmother will help you…with the power of cake!" He declared, twirling around Haruhi.

"What on earth is the power of cake? And since when have I had a fairy godmother? Where were you when my mom died, or when my stepmother was making me do menial chores to pay off some debt I apparently owe her?"

Ignoring Haruhi's cynical questions, Hunny went on. "And I am here to grant your wish – to go to the cosplay ball!"

"That could not be further from my wish," Haruhi said bluntly.

"I hear they have fancy tuunaa~" Hunny said in sing-song.

"Pfft, like I'd do something so stupid for fancy tuna," Haruhi said. Hunny stared at Haruhi for a few moments, knowing that any second now–

"Okay, fine, but just because there's nothing good on sale at the supermarket," Haruhi finally agreed, looking away, embarrassed.

"Yay!" Hunny cried. He took Haruhi by the hand and skipped offstage, dragging her with him.

"And so, using the power of cake, Cinderella's fairy godmother made Haruhi's evil stepmother and large stepsister costumes their costumes. As a bonus, she even threw in a costume for Cinderella," Hikaru recounted.

"And, with the power of forgery, an invitation to the cosplay ball!" Kaoru added.

"But what our heroine doesn't know," Hikaru said mischievously, "is that not just fancy tuna awaited her at the ball."

"Because the prince, who was hosting the ball, had ulterior motives…" Kaoru said, and you could almost hear his evil grin.

"Prince? Prince of what?" Haruhi, backstage changing costumes, could be heard expressing her puzzlement. "What's going on, this isn't in the scr – mmph!" Something, presumably a fellow actor's hand over her mouth, cut off Haruhi's questions.

"Ssh!" Hikaru and Kaoru ordered Haruhi as Tamaki, clothed all in purple silk, save the golden crown atop his golden locks, pranced onstage. He stopped center stage and produced a rose, seemingly from midair, and struck a princely pose. As Hunny frolicked across the stage, scattering rose petals around the prince, Tamaki held his flower out towards the masses, who screamed and cheered for him – aside, of course, from the students of Lobelia, who boo-ed and jeered.

Dejected, Tamaki nearly retreated to his aforementioned corner of woe, but before he could, Mori walked onstage, wearing what bore a striking resemblance to a Lobelia Academy uniform, and stood next to Tamaki.

"Um…sorry, you're…not my type," the prince explained awkwardly. Mori shrugged, unfazed by Tamaki's refutation, and meandered offstage.

"After rejecting cosplayer after cosplayer, the prince was worried he would never find a suitable wife," Hikaru sighed.

"But then…" Kaoru trailed off for dramatic effect as Haruhi wandered onstage, wearing a beautiful white ballgown and matching elbow-length gloves.

"Now, where's that fancy tuna?" She muttered to herself. Spotting Tamaki, she asked, Excuse me, Mr., do you know…oh, it's just you," she said, realizing who the mystery man was.

"Please…call me prince," Tamaki told Haruhi, extending his arm and twirling his fingers at her. Hunny danced back across the stage, spreading even more petals around Tamaki.

"What the – this wasn't part of the script! Who wrote this stupid play?" Haruhi exclaimed. Tamaki ran at his beloved daughter and tackled her in a hug.

"And so, Prince Charming and Cinderella fell in love, got married, and lived happily ever after," Hikaru and Kaoru concluded.

"Ask a stupid question…" Sighing, Haruhi shoved her sempai off of her. "Hikaru! Kaoru! You promised I'd get fancy tuna if I was in your dumb play!"

"We lied," the twins said, already sounding bored.

"Then I'm out of here." Haruhi stormed offstage, leaving a crestfallen Tamaki in her wake.

"Haruhi, wait!" He pleaded. "We're supposed to live happily ever after! Haruhiiiiii!" He chased her offstage, calling her name.

After a few minutes of chaos, the cast finally managed a curtain call. Hikaru and Kaoru were bowing and waving to the audience, enjoying the applause, as their collaboration with Tamaki had somehow managed to earn a standing ovation. Hunny was waving too, looking very happy with himself. Mori was, as always, by Hunny's side; and as always, not showing any emotion whatsoever. Kyoya, though completely indifferent to the play itself, was very pleased at the money it brought in, so he was smiling at the crowd. Given that Haruhi was nowhere to be found, Tamaki was sulking in a corner somewhere, being berated by Renge for portraying such a tepid character, too depressed to enjoy even the attention of hundreds of fangirls.

As the curtain fell on the first, and hopefully the last, of the Ouran Host Club's stage productions, the evening was summed up quite succinctly by Mori.

"Takashi, what did you think?" Hunny asked him excitedly.

"That," Mori started thoughtfully, patting his cousin on the head, "was definitely something else."

~THE END~

**A/N: Long story short, I originally wrote this as a skit, with the intention to perform it at an anime convention. I recently realized how unlikely it was that that would ever happen; however, I thought this was too good an idea to go to waste, so I re-wrote it as a one-shot so that I could still share it with the world. I hope you enjoyed, and let me know what you think!**


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